Day 2 - "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value."

"Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value."

M.J. Day Two

     Our power is off this morning, luckily my laptop battery is fully charged.  I usually have a hot cup of tea in the morning, but there is no way to heat it today.  My Max Lucado devotional today was on “The Wilderness”. It focused on all the characteristics of the wilderness and the transformation that follows. I just love Max, he is such a talented writer. I feel like I am dancing around the subject as today’s verse makes me a little uncomfortable.   Why, you ask?
Sometimes I don’t feel like my husband has “full confidence” in me.  In fact, a lot of the time I feel that way.  I want my husband to have “full confidence” in Christ, but me?  That is a lot of pressure. Now here is what I am avoiding. It seems that for 15 years, I have been going about things the wrong way.  Let me give you a few examples:  I keep the financial records for our family.  I balance the checkbooks, pay the bills and stash away the savings.  I buy the groceries, the general household needs and distribute the money for any home improvement or extra “needs” the kids or any of us may have.  I pretty much manage all the money that comes in and out of the house.  I have a long financial background in business, so my husband leaves it to me.  It has been a “chore” for me, or at least I have viewed it as one. At times, I have let him know that.  Now, in light of this new information, if I viewed it as an opportunity to gain my husbands full confidence, I think there are more than a few things I would have changed.
 Here is another. My husband works full time, and with the assistance of a local charter school, I home school our children.  It has brought me great joy at times and great frustration at times as well, but over all it has been a great experience.  They have some classes that they take at the charter school and some at home with mom.  It really is the ideal experience, but at times, even ideal experiences can have their bad days.  Those days, I give in to frustration or resentment.  My husband will experience one of my “I need to take the morning off!” episodes, as I hand him lesson plans and secretly want him to experience every frustration I have ever had so that he can really “appreciate” all the time and effort I put into it.
 This morning, as I ponder over these past events, I can’t help but think, “Are these actions things that I am doing to install ‘full confidence’ ” by my husband in me, or are they actually doing the complete opposite of that?
Please don’t get me wrong.  I believe that I am a good and faithful wife.  There are plenty of things that I contribute to this family and my marriage on a regular basis that allows me to be able to say that.  I am just saying, that this morning, this area fills me with conviction and forces me to look at things with a new perspective.
If I wanted to gain my husbands full confidence, I might present our financial situation in a new and different way, than I have been presenting it.  If I wanted to gain my husbands full confidence, even if I needed the morning off, I would be more positive and do everything possible so that when he is the “substitute teacher” his day goes smoothly and he has a great teaching day.  Looking at things from this perspective is transforming. I am always amazed how just half a sentence in the bible can do that.
            Now for the other half, again, more pressure.  “and lacks nothing of value.”  The verse is referring to the husband.  It says he has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.   Now, don’t miss this, it is not two versus, it is one.  It is talking about the wife and says, all in one sentence “He has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.”
So, reading the subtext (here I go with my subtext again), it would be fair to assume, that the fact that her husband “lacks nothing of value” is absolutely tied to the fact that he has “full confidence” in his wife.  This is only day two and my entire marriage is already transforming.  Here’s why.  If my husband does not have full confidence in me, he would then lack “something of value”.  What God considers valuable should not be taken lightly.  If I am causing my husband to lack something valuable in God’s eyes, it is no longer an option for me. It is not something I can look at and say “That sounds good, but I don’t think I can do it, all the time.”   It is no longer subject to my moods or offenses.  It is something I need to focus on and be serious about. Notice what this verse doesn’t say.
It doesn’t say, “Her husband has full confidence in her, except when she has her off days.”  Or “he has full confidence in her when she feels he deserves it” or “he has full confidence in her when he is leading the family under the guidelines she feels he should”.
Come on ladies, I know I am not the only one. We are good wives in need of some refinement and revelation.  Today I will approach every interaction with my husband with the perspective of installing full confidence of my husband in me.  I would encourage you to do the same.  I would be blessed and encouraged if you sent me an email telling me how that went for you.  For me, I will continue on this journey and look forward to the transformation that the wilderness brings.
M.J.


Cat's Day Two

To whom is my loyalty?

"The heart of her husband trusts safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain."  It is true that my husband trusts me implicitly, so much that when it comes to money, for many years past,  I have often felt unworthy of such a treasure.  There have been many times in the past that I have gone out on personal shopping trip days that I probably should have cut back.  There have been trips that I've  recommended we take knowing that it would have been better for our budget to stay home and yet chose to ignore the numbers that stared at me from the budget notebook that I keep.  My husband loves to eat out and so we'd go often (all the while our poor ignored budget was in the back of my brain) I couldn't tell him no and I wanted to go out too.  Many times the out-to-eat special would leave us feeling sick and logy.  I'm sure that couldn't have been very good for our bodies.   I remember years ago getting my hair done at an upscale hair salon, color- cut- highlighted for...I don't think I want to tell you the amount.  Let's just say I could have spent an amount that could equal my family's entire weekly grocery budget getting my hair done.  I don't think I deserved my husband's trust over our finances so much then.  And yet, what I was doing at the time is no different from what many women do today.  The attitude out there is "if you have it spend it on what you want".  Sure, I made sure all the bills were paid, my family seemed to have all their needs met, so I was entitled  to play with some of the cash,  after all I was working outside the home too then, I deserved it.  But when I look back and investigate where my financial loyalty was  during that time, the evidence is overwhelming that it wasn't really mostly in my husband's or my families interest as much as it was in my own.
I'm glad to say that since then, I've learned much more about true riches.  The riches of letting go and letting God teach me about the riches of learning from His Word.  The last 10 years or so have had so many ups and downs with teachable moments that could have only happened in the fire of trials and tribulations and for each and every one I am grateful.  Over time God has taken situations and relationships that have broken me and humbled me so that He could build me up to be so much stronger and yes even of better use.   There is a picture hanging in our guest bathroom.  In it are pasted leaves from a trip to a waterpark I took with our eldest son about 14 years ago.  I wanted to remember what a good day we had and so I picked up a few leaves from the park to remember the day by and brought them home and pasted them on this picture board.  I also found a printed puzzle piece with the words, " Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time" 1 Peter 5:6.  I don't know why I did it other than the reason that it looked nice,  but I pasted it onto the board with the leaves.  It has been hanging in my bathroom ever since.  Walking in and out of that bathroom, I've always looked up at this verse and have felt that I'd still not fully grasped what it meant.  Today, I realize that I've always felt that I knew how to humble myself under my own power, but now I realize that true humility only happens in part by our own submission and mostly by the act of humbling us by God.  (2 Corinthians 7-10 shows us how the apostle Paul was humbled by an affliction despite his initial longing to be free of it and eventually learned to gladly accept it as God's will for him).  Becoming humble happens over time, sometimes a very long time.  But it can be a time of growth and  deep understanding.
I know I've still got so much more to learn and a long way to go on my journey but over the last decade I've learned to step back away from myself alot more and put others' needs ahead of mine and that difference has richly blessed my life beyond what I could have imagined. Philippians 2:3 &4 says, "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." Things are a little different nowadays (I want to laugh out loud because in many ways things are hugely different!) I do my own hair now for less than 4.00 (with a coupon!) every two weeks.  I am the queen of thrift when I need a new clothing item, but even still have given so many of my things away (I found having too many clothes was just a waste of space and clutter besides I only wore a few of my favorites anyway) and I don't often spend my time shopping for just myself these days.  I am concentrating on improving the health of my family as well as myself (so that I can better take care of them too) by shopping better, eating at home naturally and exercising (many times as a family).    Now, we also have committed to our budget and I am becoming a more "virtuous" guardian over what is not only our budget, but our future.  I want my husband and friend to trust me because he knows that I am loyal to him and that  I am also loyal and accountable to God and to all that He is teaching me,  and that my thrift and industry will add to my husband's wealth (which we share together) over time.